Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
