Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
