Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize