just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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