he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize