what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
