everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize