my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
