This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
