Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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