I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
