The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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