bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
