I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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