He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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