pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
