I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
