Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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