I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
So here I am, sexting at work.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
