I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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