I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
