dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize