I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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