Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
