How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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