I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
