A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
