Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
