Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize