I can text with my tongue
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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