weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
