And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
