I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
