FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
