Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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