So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
