I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
