chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My bed smells like the plague
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