dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
