does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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