I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
