I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
