We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I believe in your delicious
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
