so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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