i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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