I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
