Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
