i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
