Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
