I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
