the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
