I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
