Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
