and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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