Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
