I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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