i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize