My Higher Power is John Stamos
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
