I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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