It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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