It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
