my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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