I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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