i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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